My pretty hurts because I used to hide behind honor rolls, activities, church, and pageantry. In the beginning, I lived in this world feeling unpretty because I was surrounded by girls with lighter skin tones who seemed to find the attention, love, and affection from plenty. See I was a dark girl living in what I perceived to be a cold world hoping they would see me as beautiful. You see behind this pageant face decorated with intelligence and grace was girl who dealt with insecurities and low self-esteem. I allowed men to crush my self-esteem because I wanted to be loved and complete. I thought me loving him and he loving me would make me complete. The reality is he only wanted me for my virginity. He tried but didn’t succeed. Did he really think I would give him the best part of me? Even then I sacrificed my morals and beliefs because I could not deal with the fact of being lonely. I gave my heart on various occasions only to have it returned to me in broken pieces. Tears falling down like raindrops made their home on my pillow. I was not good enough and I was not pretty enough were the lies I told myself. No one knew what I was dealing with deep down inside because I wore my mask concealing what I did not want the world to know and see.
Then one day I found that strength to seek help and guidance where I could learn to build my self-esteem and rid myself of insecurities. From counseling to life coaching sessions, I began to rediscover my true identity. I learned that being alone did not mean I was lonely. I decided I was not going to compromise my morals and beliefs anymore. Nothing else mattered to me except pleasing my Lord. When you wait on the Lord, He will take you places beyond your wildest dreams. Focus on Him, and He will give you the desires of your heart. So women and girls know that you are active, attractive, and worth the wait and be patient for your godly mate. Look in the mirror and affirm yourself each day. Psalm 139:14 says, “I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.”
As I conclude don’t be fooled by what you see. I have not always had it together. This gown, this sash, and this crown used to hide my secret. I was hurt and broken. Now that is all in the past because I allowed God to set me free from low self-esteem and insecurities. This mask is now my ministry.
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